Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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