No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm like, not good at living.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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