the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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