He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
