Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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