Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I CAN MOONWALK!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
