So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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