He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
