I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
