you win again, gameday.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
