even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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