you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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