You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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