Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
