Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
