I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
