Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
love makes seman taste better
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
