i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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