she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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