Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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