my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
