Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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