I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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