New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
