THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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