I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
