I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They took my balls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
