when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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