I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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