I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You were trust falling into bushes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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