He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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