I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
