The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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