Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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