Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
