my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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