Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
