I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
