I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
