A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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