Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
