i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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