then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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