she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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