Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
