Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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