You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
