I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
