My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
