her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
