Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
