i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
