Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
