My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
