What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
