i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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