He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
