I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
